Perhaps I should have called this blog something more like "anxiety dump" or something, because as far as I can tell, I'm not writing this because of grief, but because I finally caught myself anxiously spiraling and breathed in the rain and now am trying to see if there's anything in my brain that needs to be let out.
I'm rather tired, and want to go to bed, now that I've wrenched myself away from endless youtube trailers that make me want a significant other more desperately than usual. But I just went outside and felt so...peaceful. It's kinda annoying that that peacefulness can flip flop so easily on me. I just came off of a great weekend, where I reconnected with Becky, and feel super great about my friendship with her, a source of mild anxiety for a few months now, and bam, two days later, I'm barely --wait. ONE day later! (gah!) --I'm barely keeping an even keel! Although I did eat my supper-salad at the table, even though I was alone, like a real human being.
Anyway, still anxious about car buying, frustrated at any help my mom tries to give me, etc, etc, and totally annoyed at myself for not getting rid of the blue volvo sooner! What a headache! I wish I felt more joy at the excitement of a new car, but mostly, I feel concerned that I will overpay for a bad car. Well, going to bed now.